Hello, folks. As you are all infinitely aware, next week we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. Due to some discussion on the subject by friends of mine, I've decided that Thanksgiving gets ignored most of the time, and treated as merely a time to catch up on some sleep, eat good food, and have an excuse for watching the football games. But Thanksgiving should be more than that, so I've decided to celebrate it a little bit differently in my own little way. Every day up until Thursday I'm going to post about something I'm thankful for. So please read, for in all likelihood, YOU are going to be on that list at some point. I'm going to begin this week long diatribe with giving my thankfulness for something easily seen, but no less important-my family. Mom, I'm thankful for you. You've stuck with us, even when it would have been easier to get up and leave. But you didn't-you stuck it out through house payments, family meetings, homeschooling, depressions and church-hopping. These past nine years haven't been easy for you, but I can only hope that the best is yet to come. I want to see you go to school, get your degree, and find peace with yourself. I think you're well on your way, but I want to know that you are happy no matter what comes. We fight sometimes (even did a little tonight) but I hope you always remember how much I genuinely love you and support you. You're a special lady who deserves the world, but only ended up with four kids, dogs, and getting dumped on. I pray that the dumping is over, and that the blessings begin. Drew, I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful for your quirkiness, your moodiness, your obsession with Star Trek that we share, and your earnest desire to be the man that God made you to be. You and I had a troubled relationship as kids, but I like to think that now that we're both older and more mature that we've been getting along much better. I've always been proud of my big brother, even if I didn't always understand you. You're brilliant and yet so lost sometimes-you remind me of a puppy that's jumping through hoops just trying to please everyone. I hope that you remember that the only people you have to please are yourself and God. I'm proud of you already. Shelby, I am thankful for you. You and I have always shared a special bond. Some of my favorite memories are of you and I singing to each other at night after Mom had put us to bed. We made American girl and Barbie towns, played Runaway, School, and yes, Tree Cherokees. You were always ready to follow wherever my overly-active imagination led, and I love you for that. You've always been willing to help me when I haven't felt smart enough at school. You've forgiven me for my very obvious faults, and somehow, it is virtually impossible for me to be mad at you. I'm so proud of the wonderful woman that you've become. You have the world by the tail, and I have every confidence in your ability to grab hold of the angel and wrestle, saying, "I will not let thee go, unless thou bless me." Sacrilegious or not, personally, my money's on you. But despite your tenacity and determination no matter what you're facing, you're also gentle. I admire that so much about you, my sweet sister. Evan, I am thankful for you. You and I have always been so darn alike. Yes, I know that that's fairly obvious. Heck, we shared a womb. You've always been a follower, content to go wherever Shelby and I led you. But in the past year or so, I've watched a confident man emerge. You've always felt such responsibility towards Mom, Shelby and I, especially after Dad left. I appreciate you SO much. And it's more than just taking out the garbage or fixing sinks or crawling around under my car-you are willing to be our protector and friend. I hope and pray that you will continue to allow God to lead you in your life, like you have by following His will concerning our sweet Rachel. Let Him provide for you, bro, and you will never have cause to be sorry for it. Stand strong as His warrior, and know that your sister loves and appreciates you. NanNan, I am thankful for you. Your generosity towards us throughout my life never ceases to astound me. I will never forget those sweet trips we made as a child back to your house, and meeting you at the mall for lunch. You've had quite a large hand in shaping me into the person that I am, and I am deeply grateful for everything you've done. I don't know if I have, or ever can say it often enough, but thank you. I hope that I can be as fine a woman as you are someday. PawPaw, I am thankful for you. I know you can't read this right now...but I pray that someday when you are walking with the Savior, that He will allow you to read this and know how much your granddaughter appreciates you. You stepped in and became my father when I no longer had one. You bailed us out more than once with money, protected us when times were hard, and held us when we cried. You were always so quiet and so gentle, and always so willing to teach. It still haunts me that the last time you knew who I was, you looked at me with disappointment in your eyes. It was just after your surgery, and you said my name and knew me. I played some joke on Evan, and even though I know that you couldn't understand the joke, the look of sadness in your eyes I will never forget. Still, I will also never forget your phrases, your silly whistling, and how you would putter around with the cars outside. I have learned so much from you, and one of the biggest regrets of my life is that you will not be able to walk me down the aisle someday, as I so hoped you would. I love you even now, and I hope you can feel it, even though you are trapped within your own mind. As for you rowdy Arkansas bunch, I am thankful for you. You have never hesitated to support my family no matter what the situation. As I've gotten older I've realized how much I truly love you. You all exude many genuine qualities that are gone now. You are all truly seeds of Grandma and Grandpa, and your goodness and loyalty are unmatched. For my family, dear Lord, I offer my thanks.
5 years ago
8 comments:
Your father didn't leave you. Your mother made it virtually impossible for him to be there. He didn't fight her for the kids, he didn't ask for his half. He thought it best that you and the others stay where you were and not be uprooted, so he walked away from it. He didn't walk away from you, just the material possessions. If you called him sometime, I'm sure he would love to tell you about it. However, I'm not shocked by the fact that you probably won't because the word for the day in your "house" is control. Maybe, you should venture out of your comfort zone and get both sides.
Excuse me. I don't know who you are and frankly I don't care. I am appalled that you would take a post that I wrote in a deep state of thankfulness and prayer and turn it into an excuse to impose your views on something that you probably don't really know anything about. As I recall, there were only six people in the room on April 9, 1999, and there were only five people left when someone got into his car and drove away. Ergo, my father DID leave us. And I love the fact that you count me as a "material posession." Yes, I'm sure he's just suffering away in Collierville away from all those nasty, pesky little possessions.
For another thing, don't you dare say anything about my mother. She has her faults, but I know who stayed and who worked her ass off for me and my siblings. She deserves respect and gratitude, not somebody trying to belittle her and her sacrifices. If my father really wanted to talk to me, he would have tried a long time ago before he walked out of my life. I honor him and the choices he made. I'm thankful for the things that he gave me, which I'm certain I posted about at some point elsewhere on my blog. My home is not ruled by control. My opinions and choices are heard, because we are all adults here.
I'm shocked that you would go onto a person's blog and say such horrible things. Your choice to appear anonymously, however, speaks volumes. If you can't speak up and tell a person who you are when you want to stab them in the back, then I don't give a hoot in hell about your stupid opinions. Just post them somewhere else that might be a little more befitting of your low-minded and cowardly values. Maybe you should venture out of your comfort zone and learn how to speak in a loving and informed manner.
Katie
Seriously, why would you do that? And then post it anonymous. You obviously know the family or think you do, since you feel that they need both sides of the story.
First, have the balls to let her know is saying this, and have the stones to do it privately. Posting this publicly makes it look like you have an agenda and don't care whether you are right or wrong nor do you care who you hurt in the process.
Also, as a third party observer, I'd like to point out the phone works both ways. He could pick up the phone and call them and make efforts to stay involved in their lives if he wanted to. I also realize that they could call and make efforts to keep him involved too. But I honestly cannot blame them for not feeling a desire for that when there has been years of no initiation of contact on his part. Kind of makes it seem like he does not want to be in their life.
Grow a big boy pair; the sanctimonious, all knowing Being does not suit you. Try leaving that to God. He's much better at it.
If you repeat a lie long enough and loud enough, some people, even yourself, might believe it.
Those who lived in the home know the truth. The paperwork and court documents SHOW the truth.
Trying to rewrite history and the facts with anecdotal stories does no one any favors.
Ok, I hesitated to write anything at first because I wasn't sure it was my place, and frankly, I know Katie can handle herself. However, Mr. (or Ms.) Anonymous, the more I look at your post, the more absurd it becomes. So, as an interested third party observer I thought I should participate in a little constructive criticism.
You see, it seems that you became so enthralled with your pontificating that you forgot one of the basic principles of communication--namely, that what you say needs to correspond with reality. You see, if what you say has no correspondence with reality then it is what we like to call in intellectual circles a "logical contradiction" or in less intellectual circles an "un-truth" or in even more simplified terms "bullshit." So, as I'm sure you can see Mr. Anonymous (I hope you don't mind if I call you that) it is very important that we sort this out, for your own sake, of course . . .
So them, where should we start? Why, the beginning of course! So let's look at your first sentence: "Your father didn't leave you" Well, as in any argument one first must make an assertion and then try and back this up with evidence. I must say Mr. Anonymous, your assertion was bold, particularly because it seems to contradict the facts. The word "leave" has several different meanings the one that most people think of in this situation is "to abandon or forsake" however, even the more physically descriptive meaning of “to go out of, or away from” certainly seems to jive with the facts. I mean, he didn’t phase-shift (though, that would have been cool), or vanish, or die, or sit down and wait for everyone else to leave. No, instead the facts suggest that he was in one marital state and then deliberately removed himself from it, and furthermore part of this removal was the physical change of location that is commonly called “leaving.” So, you can imagine my surprise and excitement when I read this first sentence, I waited with bated breath to see what Earth-shattering evidence you would reveal in your next sentence. What revelations could you have up your sleeve! Oh, the tension!
#2
“Your mother made it virtually impossible for him to be there.” . . . . *sigh* Seriously Mr. Anonymous? That is the best you have? I am gravely disappointed. . . Ok, the first and most important thing you should learn about this whole situation is the concept of correlation. Whenever one is making an argument your evidence must correlate with your assertion, otherwise you are speaking nonsense. . . sadly, you seem to speak a lot of nonsense Mr. Anonymous. How does the sentence “your mother made it virtually impossible for him to be there.” have any barring on the truth of the statement “Your father didn’t leave you.”? Whether or not it was difficult for him to stay in the house (due to “emotional strain” I’m sure) does not change the fact that he, by every meaning of the word, did, in fact, “leave.” It seems that making logical statements is not your strong suit Mr. Anonymous, however, because I am both rather intelligent myself and full of kindness, I will help explain to the audience what you were trying to argue.
It seems that you were trying to make the case that their father had to leave out of “necessity” that the conditions of the relationship in the house were so bad that he “had” to leave. Therefore, a better way to write that first sentence (if I may offer a suggestion) would have been to phrase it “Your father didn’t want to leave you,” *sigh* but now look what you do Mr. Anonymous. You shoot yourself in the proverbial foot again! I can’t keep helping you out of these things you know. You say that “you mother made it virtually impossible for him to be there” . . .
“virtually impossible?” If I may ask, politely, what the hell does that mean? “virtually?” As opposed to actually? So, it wasn’t actually impossible for him to be there, but it almost was? Honestly, Mr. Anonymous you never cease to amaze me. How does one make it “impossible” to be anywhere? I mean, truly impossible? The fact of the matter is there are only two ways, bodily force (i.e. I want to make it impossible for you to be in my room, so I physically kick you out) or legal action (i.e. I want to make it impossible for you to be in my room, so I get the government to kick you out). Besides these two actions everything else falls under will-power, I can stay in a room with a thousand screaming babies if I have enough gumption.
#3
So, what do these facts suggest? Well, since the one who took legal action was the father, and since there is NO evidence of attempts of physical abuse (i.e. the mother trying to kill the father) the fact of the matter is that it wasn’t “virtually impossible” or “actually impossible” or any other kind of “impossible” What you really should say Mr. Anonymous is this, “your mother made him so annoyed that he didn’t feel like staying around anymore” . . . and now, my dear, dear Mr. Anonymous, you are on very shaky ground.
You see, it boils down to this, even if I accept your presupposition (which I don’t) that their mother was creating a constant state of annoyance for their father (by whatever means), this is not only not enough justification for leaving, but it is the weakest justification of all! Not only did he leave, but he left because he “felt like it.” I don’t care if he “felt trapped” or “felt used” or anything else, the key word in all these phrases is “felt.” And therefore, the simple fact is that he acted on his feelings rather than his commitments, and for his own selfish happiness rather than the well-being of his family. You say he didn’t “fight . . . for the kids?” Well, for once you are right, in fact guess what? He didn’t fight for anything—he ran away. He didn’t confront whatever problems he thought existed, he didn’t try and work things out with his wife, he didn’t fight against his own desire to leave for the sake of his kid, or for his wife for that matter (or do you really think that she is happy about the whole thing?) You see, Mr. Anonymous, these are things that a man would do, an upstanding Christian man who understands that life is hard, marriage is always difficult, and that the way to respond to these difficulties is to fight for the unity of your family, and trust in the Lord. But no . . . No Mr. Anonymous, their father decided to run away, and until I am presented with convincing contrary evidence (that is hopefully more logical than yours) I will have to follow the only rational choice. To hold him in contempt, not for who he is, but for what he has done. . .
With all this being said, please know Mr. Anonymous, that more than anything else I pity you. I truly worry that unless you learn what is right and wrong in this situation (and thus the right and wrong way to treat your family), you might end up repeating history. Therefore you will remain in my prayers, please forgive the harshness of tone, but you left me “virtually” no choice.
Yours,
Jordan
Okedokee. Ms. Anonymous. Let's get to it.
First, I have to give you props on the imagination. As Jordan has already wonderfully stated, the facts contradict your assertions. Therefore, no more discussion is needed on your opinion of the facts. They're (you're) wrong.
Second, as Katie iterated and as I shall reiterate to you, you were not there. The best that you can be is a second party witness to the first party. You can not possibly know the family situation and the home life without living at the house in question. And, considering that the opinions of living conditions at home are purely and individually subjective, you are quite out of line in stating an opinion of the situation in which you have absolutely zero first hand knowledge.
Third, with regards to the whole "uprooting" assertion, I believe you are misguided and naive. When one person chooses to remove themselves from a marital state, be it male or female, an uprooting takes place. By definition, to leave is to "uproot", if you will, and proceed on to another location. The choice that Andy made caused himself to be uprooted first, which in turn caused an entire familial way of life to be uprooted as well. I don't have the time, energy, patience, or stamina to go in-depth into the changes that occurred afterwards. What I can tell you is that all parties involved made mistakes; be that as it may, only one individual chose to forsake the family.
Fourth, in tying in with the third point, I won't even begin to get into the court situation with you. Quite frankly, it's none of your business to know unless the information is first freely offered to you. And, if that information is offered, I would recommend to you discernment, wisdom, and a good dose of logic as tools to use to look at any situation and past story presented to you.
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