What Would You Do?

I realize that I've already posted today....frankly, I'm starting to wonder if anybody's reading this. That doesn't matter, per se, but I'm going to post twice day because I'm in a really contemplative mood. My brother and I were watching a Smallville episode (no jokes, please) and it really got me thinking. In it, Clark is helping a younger friend of his who has a brain tumor. Despite everyone's best efforts, including some super stuff on Clark's part, the boy is going to die. He tells Clark that he always wanted to be like this comic figure, that gets to fly. He says that he would love to fly up high, where his problems would look small and insignificant. That got me to thinking...I've thought this before, simply because I'm occasionally a morbid person. But the thought hasn't struck me in a long time. What would I do, if I knew that I only had a few days left to be on this earth? I like to think that death wouldn't hold much fear for me. I know where I'm going, I've known since I was five years old when I accepted Jesus into my heart-on a dare from my older brother, but that's another story. I only doubted my salvation once in my life, when I was going through what I now know to call "the dark night of the soul." Since that time, I've never once doubted the existence of God, or the certainty in the fact that I'm going to be with Him one day. So, obviously, death doesn't really bother me. But the thought of leaving everything that I know behind does. Unless you're an idiot, you know that the most important thing (outside of religion) in the world to me is my family. As I've gotten older, I've realized more and more how deep my love is for my family, especially for my brother and my sister. It helps that we're triplets, but I know that I would lay down my life for them without hesitation. The thought of one of us not being around one day is absolutely terrifying to me. The thought of celebrating a birthday without three birthday cakes is horrendous. So I know that if I were going to be leaving this earth, I would want to be spending most of that time with my family. You know, I used to think that if I knew I was going to die, I would want to go to Ireland. It's been a lifelong dream of mine, to go there. In a romantic and completely unrealistic way, I feel like in Ireland a small piece of fairy tales still live. A tiny piece of life and magic is tucked away, just waiting to be touched and felt. I still hold that same dream, but now I don't think that's what I'd want to do. One of my most vivid memories is a time not long after my dad left. We were spending a lot of time out at my grandparents' house then. It was out in the country, by a lake, and it was quiet and peaceful, a refuge from all of the stuff that was happening in my life. One day, though, I just got overwhelmed. I missed having a daddy, I missed the security of my life, I missed knowing that everything was going to be all right. I was tired of watching my mom cry. I went outside and sat under a tree at my grandparents' house, and I sat there for hours and hours, just listening and praying. And I have never felt God's presence so close in my life, except for perhaps one time when Dr. Chaney was praying with me. The wind was soft, and it almost seemed to be whispering in my ear. I could feel God telling me that everything was going to be all right, that one day I would understand why all of this was happening and that He would take care of me and my family. It was peaceful, and serene. I think now that if I was going to die, I would have to go back out there, and sit back under that tree, at least for a while by myself. I think that I would pray, and talk with God, and remember all of the things that I had never dealt with and all of the things that are special and precious to me. Gosh, I'm crying while I'm writing this....so weird! I know that y'all are probably getting incredibly frustrated with this highly emotional post, but the thought just wouldn't leave me. You know, it never hurts to think about the future, even if it's as far in the future as death. We never know when it will come...like the poor boy from U of M found out on Sunday night. I know where I'll be going...and I just hope and pray that I'll be ready, especially for when the gray rain curtain of this world rolls away, and all turns to silver glass. I want to see the white shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise, with the sound of singing coming over the water. I promise after this I'll be a little lighter, but I just couldn't get this out of my thoughts. Take the time to stop, and think about those you love the most. I promise, you won't be sorry for taking the time to do it.