True Confessions of a Car Buyer

Here are ten things I learned today about buying a car and life in general. 1. Always take your mother with you whenever you buy a car, especially if she's Jewish. The old mother factor can do wonders, especially when they point their fingers at the naughty car salesman. 2. If you have done number 1, next you need to remember to bring a camera, both to record your new car and to snap some pictures of the salesman's stunned face when your mom totally pwns him out of some money. My mother today got the salesman to come down four hundred dollars, as well as him replacing the brakes and detailing the car. He practically offered her a job-that must be some sort of a distinction. 3. Never expect to actually buy the car that you've come to see. I learned that lesson today when I went to the dealership fully expecting to buy a 1996 Pontiac Firebird, and ended up buying a 1997 Ford Escort. 4. Always ask what else the salesman has in the same price range. I would never have seen my lovely green car if I'd simply left it at losing the Firebird. 5. Never feel ashamed to casually mention anything to the salesman that might bring you sympathy. A recent divorce, a child with cancer, possibly six weeks to live...all of these are quite effective at getting the salesman to come down in price. I know-I have no shame. 6. It's never a bad thing to get the mechanic to check the car out first, even though it seems like a hassle. There were a couple things wrong with my future car that I would have never known, and that we got to use as bargaining chips. 7. The sight of cold, hard cash does wonders for melting the heart of the typical greasy and calculator-bearing salesman. 8. Make sure that your hand is rested up before you go buy, because they make you sign a million pieces of paper. If I didn't know my name before, I sure do now. 8. Nothing smells as nice as new car smell. Nothing. 9. Never feel bad about wanting something "girly". It doesn't have to be a bad thing. 10. Never, ever think that the listed price is what you're going to pay. They always hide some kind of fee in there somewhere. Ok, I think that's it.