Mad Woman

I think I'm just mad today, in the slow steam coming out of my ears way, rather than the lightning striking way. It's a quiet, burning in the embers kind of anger.

I pride myself on having sarcastic and charming and witty updates on my blog, but that side of me isn't revealing itself at the moment. So maybe if I say what I'm mad about, my normal cheeriness will be restored. I'm all for a little catharsis.

1.) I'm mad that my darn Spanish textbook isn't here yet.

2.) I'm mad that my school is closing. This branches out into many other small facets of anger that make up the ugly whole of my madness, namely:

-- I'm mad that I might not get my scholarship.

-- I'm mad that my professors are being canned.

-- I'm mad at the fact that while I really, really, really want to go to Union, I don't exactly have twenty thousand dollars laying around.

-- I'm mad that I might end up at U of M trying to take college algebra, which is like an invitation to failure for me, during my senior year.

-- I'm mad that I'm probably never going to see some of my friends again after this semester.

-- I'm mad at the administration people for being general all around wastes of skin. Just offer yourself up as living skin grafts for burn victims and call it good, why don't you?

-- I'm mad that I'm once again fighting off a bit of resentment toward my dad for being a selfish jerk and leaving us all to do things ourselves, and then I'm mad at myself for feeling that way, because I actually don't mind doing things myself and I know it's better for me in the long run. So, I guess I'm mad that my usual contentment with my lot is so easily disturbed.

-- I'm mad that God can't put up a billboard or burning bush or a plane dragging a banner or a still small voice or something to let me in on His plan so that I can do what He wants me to, and then I'm mad because I know that He does this because He trusts me, and that I have to live up to that.

-- I'm mad that this post now contains several run-on sentences.

3.) I'm mad that some of my piano students flaked out on me, causing me to lose around ninety dollars this month just because they couldn't get off their butts and get to my house for a stinking thirty minute lesson.

4.) I'm mad that I've done all the laundry for today. Now there's nothing left for me to angry wash.

5.) I'm mad that I've let myself get this mad. 

I'm stopping now. Hopefully things will look better in a few hours.