Heavenly Smacketh Downeth

I have something a little offbeat to be thankful for this evening. I actually meant to post about this a couple weeks ago, but it slipped my mind. Then I thought, hey! Perfect Thanksgiving post! So there you go, a post that's been saran-wrapped and stuck in the fridge of my mind, much like your turkey will be the day after tomorrow!

As you all know, I've really gotten into reading my Bible this semester. The results have been amazing, but also quite ... unsettling. You see, I finally realized that it didn't matter how much I prayed, how many chapters I read a day, or how many resolutions I made. I was still going to screw up, and screw up royally. How often was God going to listen patiently to the same old tired prayers of, "God, I'm so sorry I made the same darn mistake again. Please help me tomorrow to listen to you and not sin." 

And then, when tomorrow came, I would find myself saying the exact same thing.

If I'm this irritated with myself, I'm really glad I don't have God's job. If I were, I'd probably be sending a little divine wooden spoon action to the kid in Memphis that never can learn to keep her stupid mouth shut. 

Actually, it all started to really bother me. I like being salty, you see. It's part of my personality. I'm sarcastic, and usually at the expense of some kind of injustice or idiocy. I spent a good portion of my life hiding behind books. The results are a.) a wide knowledge of literature, which we know from Monty Python to be quite helpful for satire and b.) a huge distaste for cringing in corners behind a hardback edition of "Oliver Twist." I've lived that life, and I'm tired of it. I like saying what I mean and meaning what I say. But the thing is that the Bible is always saying this stuff about being meek and women being silent and ... yeah. Mesa didn't much appreciate that. I want to be a good handmaiden to God, but does that automatically require me to become Elsie freakin' Dinsmore?

Thank God, and I mean that quite literally, for Paul.

One night I was still tussling with this Christian womanly ideal thingy when I came across a verse in  II Corinthians that I literally burst out laughing out loud over. And I can't remember ever just laughing over scripture, but this one took the cake. Paul writes in chapter thirteen, verse ten the following marvel: "Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the power which the Lord hath given me to edification, and not to destruction." 

The New Katie Translation: "Be really, really grateful that I took the time to write you yahoos a nice, sweet little letter rather than coming over there myself. I ain't got a lot of patience, boys and girls. Either shape it up, or you'll get a rather strong reminder of the blessed fact that I'm bigger, I'm stronger, and I work for God. He gave me a mighty big stick to show to those who don't believe in the amen factor and need a little persuasion. Mind you don't make me use said holy yule log to beat you over the head with rather than using it to politely teach you your 'please and thank you's' to the savior. And remember, I'm praying for you!"

That there, folks, made everything clear for me. If Paul is immortalized forever in God's divine Word with such a smartass (sorry, only word for it) comment, then I'm allowed to be salty. 

And, oh boy! I'm thankful for it! Otherwise this would be one very quiet blog...