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Monday, September 1, 2008

Effie's Paleolithic Brain Capacity

Dear friends, who remembers the saga of Dr. Wiggles? Raise your hands, that I might make a tally of your numbers. I remember those days vividly, if not fondly.

I come to you now with a whole new union of stupidity and a college professorship.

The fun continues in World Civilization I. We'd gotten as far last week as the guy saying that he'd taken both American and U.S. history, correct? Well, folks, I have all new gems for you in this installment of Effie's World! Don't touch that dial, we've got a real treat for you tonight.

Our story begins with three friends sitting at the back table of the classroom. They are Rachel, Lyndsey and myself. We begin as the picture of perfect students, surely an example to all. Our pens are at the ready in our eager hands, our textbooks are opened, and we are attentively, perhaps even enthusiastically, awaiting the lecture of our teacher, who is known affectionately (*shifty eyes*) throughout the school as Effie.

One of her earliest questions was on the nature of myths. Dear friends, for those of you who do not know, I, Katie, love mythology. I've actually been researching graduate programs for Mythology and Folklore. I am by no means omniscient in this realm, but I do know a tad about the subject. My mother was wonderful in this area, teaching my siblings and I about mythology very early in our lives. The information has been invaluable, for it applies to everything from history to Shakespeare.

But I digress. The point is that mythology and I are very good friends. Effie asked the class for a definition of what myths are. The more brilliant answers she received were along the lines of , "Uhh....aren't they stories?" "They're stories, that, uh, have, like, a lesson."

Ahem. Thank you, Mr. Verbose and Ms. Grandiloquence.

I finally got irritated and raised my hand. I was called upon and I stated simply that myths are an answer to a question. Myths exist for the simple purpose of giving an object or phenomenon that appears to be incomprehensible some meaning. My friends, I brag not when I say that I got applause. Everybody was going, ohhh, so THAT'S what a myth is! What a great explanation!

Effie looked irritated. I won't attempt to expound on the reasons for her unlikely wrath.

However, things went downhill from there. Ms. Jones is probably proficient enough in her own subject in certain situations, but I, um, question her teaching skills. The class is very disorganized. She bounced from place to place without either a discernible grammar structure or lesson plan. Worse still, if such things can be ranked, was the noise level. People were talking back and forth, jocks were networking, and there was no attempt at order or respect at all. Nobody could follow what was going on in the class, and it was very difficult to concentrate. However, the questions continued to be of the most kindergarten sort. Lyndsey was eventually joking that the three of us should get Jeopardy buzzers and shout out the answers to the question as fast as we could. Needless to say, I am now greatly improved in my Connect Four playing abilities. At one point, Rachel was requesting that I teach a class on mythology. She eventually pulled out her Hemingway book and started reading under the table. I started reading my textbook. It proved to be more informative than the class.

However, one aspect of the class was truly disturbing in a slightly hilarious sort of way. One boy raised his hand. I offer this transcript of the conversation that followed.

Boy: Ms. Jones, I have a stupid question.
Effie: There is no stupid question.
Class: *nods wisely*
Boy: Were the cavemen before or after Jesus?
Lyndsey and me: *under our breaths* There are stupid questions.

I seriously put my head down on the table and almost started to cry. My first reaction was self pity for having to endure this class in the first place. The deeper emotion, though, was pity for that poor, poor boy. Imagine going through life with such ignorance! The Jewish culture at the time of Jesus was multifaceted, and not at all primitive in the caveman-dragging-woman-by-the-hair sense. At the time of Jesus, there were mathematics, an extremely complicated law structure, empires, military science, philosophy, and music. How could you be so backward to even lump Jesus and "cavemen" in one question? I'm truly, honestly sorry that such a question made it to the college classroom. I'm sorry for anyone that has such a small thirst for knowledge that they did not know this or have the logic to work it out on their own.

But I am glad that the boy asked the question. It proved that he was curious, and honestly wanted to know the answer. I'm more sorry for the ones that sat quietly and let him sacrifice himself when they didn't know the answer, either.

Stay tuned. There's another class tomorrow which involves a test. Oh, goody. I'm sure to come home with more juicy tidbits for you all to enjoy! When you pray tonight, be sure to ask God if Jesus clubbed Mary Magdalene over the head before or after her conversion.

6 comments:

Karen said...

Katie: Congratulations....you are witnessing the public school system graduates at their best. Evolution and the lack of teaching courses in a unit style now produce students who have no idea how things fit together. Timelines? They sure help. Logic? Should be a mandatory course.

It would help so many.

And by the way....you should teach a class in mythology. :)

WanderingEowyn said...

BWHAAHAHAHAHHAAAHA Oh I love it. Dang it I wish we were taking classes together.

Of course I do have a myth and folklore class this semester. My proffessor is awesome and she looks like she would fit in perfectly at hogwarts. I'll ask her about graduate programs for you. I'm sure she'd be helpful.

Anonymous said...

very, very, funny!

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Scribbles said...

I remember wiggles!!
*raises hand*
Me me me me!

lol, Katie I love your comments... they are amazing! XD It makes our time in class seam like it actually had a purpose, and I am so bringing my PSP next Thursday. >.<

Jessica Laura Washington said...

Ms. Karen, not all public school graduates are failures...I like to think I turned out okay. It is the students and parents failure that the kids do not want to learn. Your kids just were blessed to end up with a mom that cares very deeply for their minds. (And I thank you for that) Although our school system is a pretty abysmal place now.

Katie, I feel bad that you are in that class. I wish I could teach it for you. Although I would be the teacher kicking people out of my class room for not listening and Crichton would never allow that.

Also, try sitting at the front, she may find it more respectful. That was not meant in offense. Just remember, her field of study is sociology and Crichton is the one who asks her to teach these classes (I think). She is probably more comfortable in her own subject.

I am only telling you this because you may feel bad later for being frustrated. I know I have. A particularly disagreeable teacher I had in Fall of 07, turned out to be one that God spoke through to convict me on some things.

Just keep your mind open my little (and that was an endearing term, not a joke on stature) Katie. I honestly wish I was there with you. I know....I know....but I REALLY miss school and all of you!!!

Karen said...

AHI: You are right....I should not have made such a sweeping statement. However, wonderful students like you are the exception, unfortunately. The textbooks that are used, the craziness in the classrooms, and the lack of integrating subjects together to form a cohesive timeline all aid in producing high school graduates that sometimes struggle to "get it together" academically.

It's a shame.