Diary Entry of an Exam Hunter

8 December 2008: 

The final hour of my quest is nearing now. I cannot believe that the moment has come. Everything for the past four months has led to this moment, and I know that I must not fail. The safety of the modern world (Third World countries don't count. They're on their own on this one) depends on me and on me alone. It is an intensely lonely and stressful situation in which I find myself now, but I know that I must somehow bear and forbear. 

It is my destiny.

It is my calling.

And I like to pause a lot for dramatic tension.

And use long vocabulary words, that helps, too.

At the moment I have my prey locked irrevocably in my sights. It is cowering in the corner of this scholastic jungle, knowing that its doom is near. For four months now this wild animal has stalked me, and has gleefully kept me in a constant state of panic and fear. It never dreamed that it was being stalked as well. It never knew that its time of domination was limited. The beast has, on occasion, injured me and caused me to lose precious sleep. However, as an experienced exam hunter, I have learned to simply ignore the pain, to accept the pain and thank it for making me better and more qualified for my quest. (Sound like a Jedi, don't I? Sweet.) 

However, there is a small, pitiful part of me that knows that this exercise is utterly futile. I can kill the exam now, which I will, but later the animal will regenerate and begin the hunt anew. It is an impossible fat to escape. I am stuck in an eternal quest, an unending safari, and I shall not be free of it until I begin to inflict the animal exam on my own pack of unsuspecting little students. My grasshoppers will then have to learn all that I have learned on their own.

It is their own destiny.

It cannot be escaped.

Told you I liked to pause a lot. Captain Kirk taught me.

I must close this diary soon. The rock salt I have used to surround and cage my prey will not last forever, and I shall then be forced to wrestle with it for domination. It is my belief that I will not escape this battle completely unscathed, but perhaps with my own excruciating pain, I can keep the wild exam from harming another soul for another six months. It is a thankless, dirty job, but it is a job that must needs be done. Countless minds are resting on my victory, that I might preserve their sanities. 

Fear not, college students around the globe.

A new day will come.

It will dawn bright, shining, and free of any shadow of the stalking beast.

It is my gift to you.

And somebody please help me with the pausing thing! It's driving me crazy!

Uh-oh. 

I disturbed the beast. 

It's leaping for my throat!

Gotta run.....