I feel pathetically miserable for even typing all this, but I simply can't help myself. I'm just feeling a teense bit depressed at the moment. I really have no room to complain about absolutely anything, honestly. I have the most fabulous family anyone can ask for, I have more material possessions than I will ever deserve, I have teachers that I'm looking forward to seeing again in a few weeks, and I have a God that will NEVER let me fall. I don't forget any of this, truly, especially when I'm a teense bit depressed. I think I remember it more when I'm a teense bit depressed, because then I'm ashamed for being a teense bit depressed.
I just wish I had some semblance of control over anything at all.
Most of the time when I'm confronted with bad situations, I just stick my head in the sand and pretend ignorance. Sand in your ears really isn't so bad, honestly. Still, what I would really prefer is to know, for sure, that everything will be all right in the end. One side of me says that I'm twenty years old. I'm young, healthy, intelligent, and I have my whole life ahead of me. The other side is watching my mom struggle, the world crumble, and it seems like I can see my whole life stretched out before me like a lonely road.
I just wish I knew what was going to happen.
I just wish that I knew that this enormous desire to have a family, to be loved and love in return isn't going to be wasted.
I just wish that my mom could be happy and get all the things that she deserves to have.
I think I maybe need a hug.
I promise, the melodrama will be gone by tomorrow. There are just times when you have to write something out, and you want to write it where people will see. I love you people SO MUCH. You have absolutely no idea how much I'm grateful for your presences in my life. God has always blessed me with the people He places around me, so please remember that YOU are heaven sent.
And now that I'm despising myself for even writing this in the first place, I think I'm going to go clean house or something to just keep myself busy. Too bad that I've already done all the laundry.
4 years ago
3 comments:
*hugs* it will all turn out right in the end! Promise!!!!!!1
(of course Our right and HIS right may not be the same things... but right is right, right?)
I lurve yoU!
Katie, I've read the last page of the book.....we win. Until then, we do the best we can. I'm sitting here thinking....remembering what you said to me. "Well Mom, here's your burning bush." God is in control and I really believe that He is doing a great thing here. I'm going to be a good worker bee and prepare and do all I can; but I think what I need to do most is to just trust Him and let him work.
He is making the tapestry of our lives; we are only seeing the underneath; He sees the top. Have no fear, your tapestry will be BEAUTIFUL. :)
I love you. :)
Mom
*HUGS*
Oh Katie! We all have our days, we can't always be happy 24/7 and to try to hide that would be ridiculous, the Bible itself says to rejoice when others rejoice and to weep when they weep.
I don't know what exactly is going on but I will be praying for you and don't you ever forget God loves yoo and
I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!
[I think I may be a little late with the comment, but alas at least I am here XD]
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