Disappear

Walking out on a beach
I feel the sand coat between my toes
The crash of the surf fills me, for I am an empty vessel
I’m disappearing
Lost in the darkness
Lost in the fragments.
I have been beaten against the shore,
Swept by the waves until I am no more.
The wind touches me but I am not touched.
I am not touched because I do not exist
I walk into the surf believing, maybe, that I will get swept away.
The water reaches my ankles,
Then my knees.
As the tide goes in and out,
In and out,
I feel my feet sinking deeper into the sand
And I wonder how long it will be until I disappear completely.
The sand is a grave;
The rest of me will follow.
And then in my darkness,
My brokenness,
I feel something.
No, not a touch. I hear something,
But I do not know what.
I look at the sun rise and the words from the song come to me:
Here comes the sun, little darling…
But that is not what I heard.
I listen harder, trying to prove I exist
Even as I sink lower into the sand and the waves.
Then I feel the voice again:
I will not let you disappear.
I feel a broken shell against my foot. It is a different touch from the voice.
I will not let you disappear.
The sun rises higher –
Here comes the sun…
And the crash of the tide roars louder—
I will not let you disappear.
It is cold in the water, in the waves,
But I feel it.
I am separate from the darkness.
I lift my feet from the grave,
the cradle,
And walk along the shore,
And perhaps a little higher.
I would not disappear.
I Am that I Am.
I am myself, not darkness,
Not emptiness.
I will not let you disappear.
It’s all right.
It’s all right.